Learning, Listening, Believing

I think at some point in time we all stop to wonder why…it doesn’t matter what the question is, you can always ask why and never be satisfied with the answer. Why do planes stay up in the air? Why is the ocean blue? Why do people get cancer? I’m baffled at the apparent randomness of it, especially since it has hit someone I’m close to and care about. A feeling of helplessness envelops you and you realize how little you can actually do. Even though you can maintain a physical presence, comforting words and embraces, the disease remains there – an ever-present demon who threatens each and every moment, relentless, but most of all meaningless and purposeless…

Or is it?

We have become hardened – it takes so much more to shock us than our ancestors – we are bold, we are pushy and we are entitled, or so we think. (We are a completely different generation than our parents, and we should prepare for the same fast forward evolution with our own kids.) It is difficult to look for gratitude every day, to be thankful for another trip around the sun every year when we are surrounded by complacency. Gentle reminders don’t appear to work. We as humans tend to be smug in our lives, maybe we need to odd shake up to jolt us back to reality – to remind us of how precious this life we live really is.

My friend has cancer. I’ve known ‘of’ many people who have also had it, but have never had the opportunity to talk to them – it was something you didn’t mention, or something they didn’t mention. But my friend and I talked, openly, forward and honestly…and I listened.

He is scared, and I am scared for him. I have already learned a lot, I am learning more but there is still so much more for me to learn. When you dig deep enough past our moral crust, you get to the real heat – the passion and the intensity we all possess – you see people in different lights, and appreciate their darkness at the same time.

It seems that the simplest things are what make the biggest difference. Humour inserted where you never thought it could be funny, where the laughter is genuine, not forced or nervous. We are leaning positively, because to think anything else is inconceivable. As if by thinking it you allow it to happen – so we leave that stone unturned where it is.

And sometimes we just talk about other things – like what our future aspirations are, how we feel about the housing market, or our preferred musical tastes. I didn’t know his favourite band was Great Big Sea – the things you learn when you actually listen.

What else have I learned? His smile is contagious, his hair is soft, and he can’t spell worth beans, but it makes him quirky and loveable all the same. He will get through this, and we will be right beside him, because we listen and because we believe.