The Rules

I was thinking about rules the other day and how many people have rules they live by. I think most of us have rules that we don’t even consider as rules, just the way we live our lives. I thought of the many rule/doctrines/tenets that guide people through their lives, and realized that there were many of my own, that I didn’t know I had. This list is by no means exhaustive (I seriously could have gone on for pages) but I chose a few that stuck out in my mind as particularly relevant to my life, past, present and future. Here they are in no particular order:

20 rules I’ve broken (but am learning from)
1. DON’T SETTLE --> Life is too short. I want to spend the rest of my days happy and able to look back without regrets…so far so good.
2. SAY ONE THING AND DO THE OPPOSITE --> Not any more. I’ve been able to become accountable to myself, and if I say I’ll do something, I’m going to do it. This is especially important when it comes to my kids. They know that if I promise them we will do something, we will do it.
3. NEVER TELL A LIE --> still working on this one but I think little white lies every now and then are needed.
4. PAY OFF YOUR CREDIT CARD EVERY MONTH --> give me time…this one is tough!
5. SAVE FOR RETIREMENT – START EARLY --> I didn’t start early enough…but I started.
6. WHEN YOU START SOMETHING, FINISH IT --> I used to be notorious for starting something and not finishing it. I’m getting better but there are unfinished projects still waiting for me.
7. ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME, AND DO IT RIGHT --> I’m not the greatest multi-tasker. I can do many things, I just can’t do them all to the level of satisfaction that I would like. So I have learned to pare down what I do.
8. RELEASE BITTERNESS --> I’ve seen enough bitterness to know that it completely consumes you. Reason enough to leave it far behind.
9. NEVER TAKE ANYONE/ANYTHING FOR GRANTED --> Anyone who’s been dumped without warning, or has lost everything they own to a house fire can appreciate this.
10. WHEN CHOOSING SOMEONE WITH WHOM TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, DON’T MARRY SOMEONE YOU CAN LIVE WITH – MARRY SOMEONE YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT --> This is a rule that I don’t think I could have avoided...hindsight is always 20/20.
11. ACCEPT YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE --> The more I began to love me for me (faults and all), the easier this became.
12. FORGIVE YOURSELF --> I punished myself over and over with this…learning to forgive yourself is much harder than forgiving others.
13. YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING --> But I want to…
14. SAY NO TO SOMETHING I FEEL I SHOULD DO BUT REALLY DON’T WANT TO --> I used to have a very healthy and active guilt complex. It made me do many things that I didn’t want to do.
15. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY --> I still break this rule on occasion… especially when it comes to running. I love running so much that I will ignore nagging pains in favour of going out for a run. But when it comes to illness, or gut feelings, my body rarely lies to me.
16. UNDERSTAND THAT FRIENDS COME AND GO... --> and some come back again and again, while others disappear. This can be summed up in the recent blog of a friend of mine who wrote extensively on this…There are reasons for everything.
17. REMEMBER THE COMPLIMENTS YOUR RECEIVE, FORGET THE INSULTS --> Humans are wired to react to ‘threats’, and insults can fall into that category. I’m still oiling my feathers.
18. ALWAYS READ DIRECTIONS --> Too much time spent driving around endlessly or completely dismantling and then reassembling things has showed me how valuable a time saver this is.
19. FLOSS EVERY DAY --> My bad
20. BE THE FIRST TO SAY SORRY --> Or take the high road. I sometimes get beaten to it, but I recognize when I’m wrong.

20 rules I’ve learned to follow (although with some it’s taken time)
1. ACCENTUATE/FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE --> And surround yourself with others who do the same. It’s amazing what kind of constructive energy you can create together. I love smiling and I love it when others smile; their faces completely change – in a good way.
2. SPEND SOME TIME ALONE EVERY DAY --> I walk to work every day – depending on my route it can take me 30 minutes to just under an hour. I use this time to reflect and think about things, I listen to the radio or my iPod, or sometimes I just turn off, and take in my surroundings…there is something different to see every day – you just have to look for it.
3. DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF --> Uh…I have enough big stuff to sweat!
4. AFTER YOU USE IT, PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT…--> because it really bothers me when others don’t do the same.
5. CHOOSE THE PATH LESS TRAVELLED --> Because I love breaking trail and seeing what’s around the next corner. I’m not one who follows the crowd, and haven’t been for a very long time.
6. DRINK LOTS OF WATER --> I love water and my body loves me for this.
7. CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN, LET GO OF THE REST --> When I gained weight after two pregnancies I took the steps to lose it, and tone up the “mummy-tummy”, because I could. What I couldn’t do is change my foot size, which is the same size as my boyfriend’s. I have come to terms with that, and have embraced being able to wear his shoes!
8. GET USED TO STEPPING OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE --> The easiest way to do this is take a deep breath, and jump! (also known as “doing one thing a day that scares you”)
9. STAY YOUNG --> Having two young children and a boyfriend who is young at heart makes this very easy. I never feel my age…
10. KEEP THE MORAL HIGH GROUND --> When you see how this affects people whom it’s consumed, you recognize its importance.
11. DON’T BE AFRAID TO DREAM --> No problem here – sometimes I think I dream too much.
12. DANCE… --> to my own music (inside my head) most of the time
13. GET TO KNOW YOUR PARENTS; YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY’LL BE GONE FOR GOOD --> The older you get the wiser your parents get – nuff said.
14. ACCEPT WHAT IS DONE IS DONE…--> like when you click “send” on an email you weren’t completely sure you should send. (attached to this should be; "BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS")
15. HAVE A BELIEF SYSTEM --> I am a spiritual person. The good things in my life are proof that there is a higher power working for me (and all people). I can’t explain it, but it’s there.
16. EXERCISE BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD, NOT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT’S GOOD FOR YOU --> This may come as a surprise to those who know me and the amount of physical activity I do on a regular basis, but there was a time when I had to force myself to do anything physical. I think the turning point was finding things that were fun, and that I could do with others (so it really didn’t feel like exercise). Once it became a habit it was easier. Now I get cranky when I need exercise…and once I get it, I feel an overall sense of calm and satisfaction.
17. DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST --> Experience has taught me that since you can’t change the past there’s no point in dwelling on it…though I have wasted a lot of time ‘dwelling’.
In the words of Buddha: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
18. DON’T LIVE IN THE FUTURE --> See above
19. FORGIVE OTHERS -->I wrote a blog post on forgiveness and how it freed me to forgiveness in my life. I have learned that holding grudges leads to bitterness which Bertrand Russell calls “a sign of emotional failure”.
20. WHEN YOU SAY “I LOVE YOU”, MEAN IT --> I say it more as I get older…to my parents(who I never used to tell how I felt – wasn’t cool you know), to my children (sometimes to their chagrin and embarrassment – get used to it kids, it’s not going to stop), and to my best friend and partner for life (I love him truly madly deeply).

Finding Time

I miss the simple times when everyone had time for a cup of coffee and a chat now and then. It seems like if I want to get together with people we have to check our day timers and find some mutual free time, usually a week or so down the road, and then schedule it in, hoping no emergency meetings are called that require cancelling our plans. There are no more last minute phone calls saying, let’s go for coffee this afternoon. Perhaps it’s a symptom of the busy lives we all seem to be leading these days. I will be the first to admit that I am as guilty as the next person and I don’t like it. When you add family into the mix you are suddenly weighed down with juggling everyone else’s schedules. Unfortunately, many things get lost in the shuffle.

I guess I am very lucky to have a supportive circle. I have tried and true friends, some who go back years, and others just months. There are people in my life who I can sit down with after extended periods of time apart and life continues on as if there was no break at all. With others (thankfully few and far between) though, it feels like you have to start all over again at rock bottom. But with most of my friends, it is worth it.

I enjoy catching up with people in person. Faces tell so much more than words on a piece of paper, or computer screen, or even voices on the phone. But even those are better than blank pages or silence. In the end, I’d rather sit down with you over a steaming cup of coffee (with cream :) or better yet, a cool frosty beer, and discuss the simple mundane things happening in our lives. Because I am a simple soul after all.