The Rules

I was thinking about rules the other day and how many people have rules they live by. I think most of us have rules that we don’t even consider as rules, just the way we live our lives. I thought of the many rule/doctrines/tenets that guide people through their lives, and realized that there were many of my own, that I didn’t know I had. This list is by no means exhaustive (I seriously could have gone on for pages) but I chose a few that stuck out in my mind as particularly relevant to my life, past, present and future. Here they are in no particular order:

20 rules I’ve broken (but am learning from)
1. DON’T SETTLE --> Life is too short. I want to spend the rest of my days happy and able to look back without regrets…so far so good.
2. SAY ONE THING AND DO THE OPPOSITE --> Not any more. I’ve been able to become accountable to myself, and if I say I’ll do something, I’m going to do it. This is especially important when it comes to my kids. They know that if I promise them we will do something, we will do it.
3. NEVER TELL A LIE --> still working on this one but I think little white lies every now and then are needed.
4. PAY OFF YOUR CREDIT CARD EVERY MONTH --> give me time…this one is tough!
5. SAVE FOR RETIREMENT – START EARLY --> I didn’t start early enough…but I started.
6. WHEN YOU START SOMETHING, FINISH IT --> I used to be notorious for starting something and not finishing it. I’m getting better but there are unfinished projects still waiting for me.
7. ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME, AND DO IT RIGHT --> I’m not the greatest multi-tasker. I can do many things, I just can’t do them all to the level of satisfaction that I would like. So I have learned to pare down what I do.
8. RELEASE BITTERNESS --> I’ve seen enough bitterness to know that it completely consumes you. Reason enough to leave it far behind.
9. NEVER TAKE ANYONE/ANYTHING FOR GRANTED --> Anyone who’s been dumped without warning, or has lost everything they own to a house fire can appreciate this.
10. WHEN CHOOSING SOMEONE WITH WHOM TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, DON’T MARRY SOMEONE YOU CAN LIVE WITH – MARRY SOMEONE YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT --> This is a rule that I don’t think I could have avoided...hindsight is always 20/20.
11. ACCEPT YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE --> The more I began to love me for me (faults and all), the easier this became.
12. FORGIVE YOURSELF --> I punished myself over and over with this…learning to forgive yourself is much harder than forgiving others.
13. YOU’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING --> But I want to…
14. SAY NO TO SOMETHING I FEEL I SHOULD DO BUT REALLY DON’T WANT TO --> I used to have a very healthy and active guilt complex. It made me do many things that I didn’t want to do.
15. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY --> I still break this rule on occasion… especially when it comes to running. I love running so much that I will ignore nagging pains in favour of going out for a run. But when it comes to illness, or gut feelings, my body rarely lies to me.
16. UNDERSTAND THAT FRIENDS COME AND GO... --> and some come back again and again, while others disappear. This can be summed up in the recent blog of a friend of mine who wrote extensively on this…There are reasons for everything.
17. REMEMBER THE COMPLIMENTS YOUR RECEIVE, FORGET THE INSULTS --> Humans are wired to react to ‘threats’, and insults can fall into that category. I’m still oiling my feathers.
18. ALWAYS READ DIRECTIONS --> Too much time spent driving around endlessly or completely dismantling and then reassembling things has showed me how valuable a time saver this is.
19. FLOSS EVERY DAY --> My bad
20. BE THE FIRST TO SAY SORRY --> Or take the high road. I sometimes get beaten to it, but I recognize when I’m wrong.

20 rules I’ve learned to follow (although with some it’s taken time)
1. ACCENTUATE/FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE --> And surround yourself with others who do the same. It’s amazing what kind of constructive energy you can create together. I love smiling and I love it when others smile; their faces completely change – in a good way.
2. SPEND SOME TIME ALONE EVERY DAY --> I walk to work every day – depending on my route it can take me 30 minutes to just under an hour. I use this time to reflect and think about things, I listen to the radio or my iPod, or sometimes I just turn off, and take in my surroundings…there is something different to see every day – you just have to look for it.
3. DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF --> Uh…I have enough big stuff to sweat!
4. AFTER YOU USE IT, PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT…--> because it really bothers me when others don’t do the same.
5. CHOOSE THE PATH LESS TRAVELLED --> Because I love breaking trail and seeing what’s around the next corner. I’m not one who follows the crowd, and haven’t been for a very long time.
6. DRINK LOTS OF WATER --> I love water and my body loves me for this.
7. CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN, LET GO OF THE REST --> When I gained weight after two pregnancies I took the steps to lose it, and tone up the “mummy-tummy”, because I could. What I couldn’t do is change my foot size, which is the same size as my boyfriend’s. I have come to terms with that, and have embraced being able to wear his shoes!
8. GET USED TO STEPPING OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE --> The easiest way to do this is take a deep breath, and jump! (also known as “doing one thing a day that scares you”)
9. STAY YOUNG --> Having two young children and a boyfriend who is young at heart makes this very easy. I never feel my age…
10. KEEP THE MORAL HIGH GROUND --> When you see how this affects people whom it’s consumed, you recognize its importance.
11. DON’T BE AFRAID TO DREAM --> No problem here – sometimes I think I dream too much.
12. DANCE… --> to my own music (inside my head) most of the time
13. GET TO KNOW YOUR PARENTS; YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY’LL BE GONE FOR GOOD --> The older you get the wiser your parents get – nuff said.
14. ACCEPT WHAT IS DONE IS DONE…--> like when you click “send” on an email you weren’t completely sure you should send. (attached to this should be; "BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS")
15. HAVE A BELIEF SYSTEM --> I am a spiritual person. The good things in my life are proof that there is a higher power working for me (and all people). I can’t explain it, but it’s there.
16. EXERCISE BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD, NOT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT’S GOOD FOR YOU --> This may come as a surprise to those who know me and the amount of physical activity I do on a regular basis, but there was a time when I had to force myself to do anything physical. I think the turning point was finding things that were fun, and that I could do with others (so it really didn’t feel like exercise). Once it became a habit it was easier. Now I get cranky when I need exercise…and once I get it, I feel an overall sense of calm and satisfaction.
17. DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST --> Experience has taught me that since you can’t change the past there’s no point in dwelling on it…though I have wasted a lot of time ‘dwelling’.
In the words of Buddha: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
18. DON’T LIVE IN THE FUTURE --> See above
19. FORGIVE OTHERS -->I wrote a blog post on forgiveness and how it freed me to forgiveness in my life. I have learned that holding grudges leads to bitterness which Bertrand Russell calls “a sign of emotional failure”.
20. WHEN YOU SAY “I LOVE YOU”, MEAN IT --> I say it more as I get older…to my parents(who I never used to tell how I felt – wasn’t cool you know), to my children (sometimes to their chagrin and embarrassment – get used to it kids, it’s not going to stop), and to my best friend and partner for life (I love him truly madly deeply).