…can be traumatic if you are not mentally prepared for the experience.
I vividly remember the day I turned 40. Oddly I wasn’t at all worried or concerned about entering a new decade, and had actually pinned a small sign on my cubicle wall that said, “I’m not 40, I’m 18 with 22 years experience!” I was actually looking forward to “starting the next ten” fresh and with a new attitude. That was foreshadowing at its best, and also better told in another topic.
I want to dedicate this topic to fabulous 40, and all those women in my life who have gracefully glided into this new age of elegance, maturity and extreme confidence. An e-mail circulated some time ago about how women age. As they get older they become more self-assured while men seem to do the opposite and hit their mid-life crisis early. Women embrace it, while men evade it.
I think when I turned 40 I became a woman in my own eyes, as opposed to the girl I’d always seen myself as. Getting married, having children, pursuing a career still didn’t convince me that I was all grown up. But the click of time into a new decade suddenly made it possible for me to see that there was a self-possessed woman underneath that once scared little girl.
Someone very special to me recently made the transition to her 40th year. This person in particular has overtaken this decade with more grace than I could ever begin to muster. With the dawning of the day she has claimed this decade as her own. I’ve always admired her elegance and easy-going effortless way of doing things. She attacks each day with a gusto that most people would envy. Things seem to flow around her, even when stress threatens to close in. She has a magical way of putting things right. Her seemingly unhurried ways and precision of plans show an intense amount of internal strategy, yet she does not crack at the seams. She is successful and poised in her career which has yet to ascend to the heights she deserves. If I were to name a poster-child for turning 40, she would be framed on my wall. Anyone reading this who is dreading the big 4-0, and thinks that this is where it ends should take a page out of her book.
And speaking of books, Mary Kay and Arnold Patent both had it right…”You Can Have it All”. You just have to decide what it is you want, and not be afraid to go after it. 40 is a glorious time in your life. Don’t waste it.
Tuesday 28 October 2008
Friday 12 September 2008
Going Wireless
It seems that everywhere you go these days people are connected to some sort of communications system, either by cell-phone, blackberry, computer, etc. There seem to be more and more places where you can ‘plug’ into networks of some sort either via cable or through wifi. It is almost a given that hotels and coffee houses offer a wireless network to their customers, and those who don’t, are seeing business drift away in favour of ones that do.
Why have we become so reliant on technology and conveniences?
As a child of the 70’s the only phones we had were attached to the walls with wires – we were unable to take the phone farther than the cord would reach, which enabled our parents to eavesdrop, not because they wanted to but because they had no choice…phones were usually in the kitchen because that was where most families congregated. Televisions were plugged in and reception depended on which way the rabbit ears were turned. It seemed complex at the time, but upon reflection quite primitive now. There were no computers that the average family could anticipate the need for or even afford. Portable music meant taking your tape player outside. Walkmans were still a few years away.
Today it isn’t unusual to own more than one mechanism linking you to the world, and even less remarkable to have all those devices on your person at the same time.
But say you are looking to get away from it all – unhooking yourself from the harness of the world wide web and free falling into a non-wired world. There are very few places nowadays where you can’t pick up some sort of signal or connection to the outside world, and even then, satellite phones take up where others leave off.
To become truly disconnected you must take the first step and physically “disable” yourself.
I often go running with nothing in hand save a bottle of water. Sure, I could strap on a Garmin and log each and every detail of every meter I cover, and there are some days where that comes in very handy. I could also clip my phone to my waistband to make sure that I am reachable no matter where I go or what I do – and again, there are times when that is undeniable; some would say even mandatory.
So I savour the times when I can leave it all behind…literally. Unencumbered and free from electronic devices I suddenly become purposely lost and untraceable to everyone in the world. The prospect may seem terrifying to some who need that connection to civilization on a 24-7 basis, but for me, escape into the wire-free world of bygone days is oddly refreshing. I try to disconnect on a regular basis, for it gives me perspective on why I am here, and what my ultimate objective in life is. It also keeps me from becoming dependent on items that tend to make life more complicated and demanding. There are very few things that are so important that require one to drop everything immediately. Sometimes a little time to reflect on why you need something so badly can help you realize that waiting an hour or a day won’t mean the end of the world, and could possibly encourage you to find the answers yourself. Self-reflection and conscious deliberation can do much further inspiration in all of us. Unplug, separate and disengage yourself once in a while. You may be surprised at how much you like it.
Why have we become so reliant on technology and conveniences?
As a child of the 70’s the only phones we had were attached to the walls with wires – we were unable to take the phone farther than the cord would reach, which enabled our parents to eavesdrop, not because they wanted to but because they had no choice…phones were usually in the kitchen because that was where most families congregated. Televisions were plugged in and reception depended on which way the rabbit ears were turned. It seemed complex at the time, but upon reflection quite primitive now. There were no computers that the average family could anticipate the need for or even afford. Portable music meant taking your tape player outside. Walkmans were still a few years away.
Today it isn’t unusual to own more than one mechanism linking you to the world, and even less remarkable to have all those devices on your person at the same time.
But say you are looking to get away from it all – unhooking yourself from the harness of the world wide web and free falling into a non-wired world. There are very few places nowadays where you can’t pick up some sort of signal or connection to the outside world, and even then, satellite phones take up where others leave off.
To become truly disconnected you must take the first step and physically “disable” yourself.
I often go running with nothing in hand save a bottle of water. Sure, I could strap on a Garmin and log each and every detail of every meter I cover, and there are some days where that comes in very handy. I could also clip my phone to my waistband to make sure that I am reachable no matter where I go or what I do – and again, there are times when that is undeniable; some would say even mandatory.
So I savour the times when I can leave it all behind…literally. Unencumbered and free from electronic devices I suddenly become purposely lost and untraceable to everyone in the world. The prospect may seem terrifying to some who need that connection to civilization on a 24-7 basis, but for me, escape into the wire-free world of bygone days is oddly refreshing. I try to disconnect on a regular basis, for it gives me perspective on why I am here, and what my ultimate objective in life is. It also keeps me from becoming dependent on items that tend to make life more complicated and demanding. There are very few things that are so important that require one to drop everything immediately. Sometimes a little time to reflect on why you need something so badly can help you realize that waiting an hour or a day won’t mean the end of the world, and could possibly encourage you to find the answers yourself. Self-reflection and conscious deliberation can do much further inspiration in all of us. Unplug, separate and disengage yourself once in a while. You may be surprised at how much you like it.
Tuesday 13 May 2008
Little White or Big Fat…True Lies
The question isn’t whether or not you have lied. Let’s face it; we have all lied in some capacity at some point in our lives. The severity of the lie is where the lines become fuzzy and the questions begin to trickle in…how big is too big? Will it hurt the intended? Why are we fixated on it?
I won’t lie, I have lied. Many times. And for various reasons; some of them include not wanting to hurt someone else’s feelings, not wanting to get into explaining my own feelings, and probably the most common lie, the lie of omission. I have also lied for purely selfish reasons. Saying I am busy when I have absolutely nothing planned.
Most people don’t even think twice about it, and there are others who do it so regularly that it just becomes part of their daily discourse. During the course of writing this blog I did some research about lying and discovered that although men and women lie roughly the same amount, the types of lies they tell are diametrically opposite. Women most often lie to save someone else’s emotions and make that person feel better. When men lie, it is most often done to make themselves look better. When it comes to children, their lies are told solely to protect their own skin, (“No, I didn’t eat the last cookie.”).
People tell lies on a daily basis, and the most common method used for delivering lies are the telephone and through text messages. People can’t see your eyes or read your expression so lying is easier. For me, that “rings” true. I tend to be truthful more often in a face-to-face situation. But when asked to be, I will be honest, even if I know it will hurt.
It almost appears that we, as humans, are quite the deceitful bunch. But consider this: if you were to be absolutely truthful, 100% of the time, how many feelings would you hurt? And to flip it around, would you want people to be completely honest with you about everything? Sometimes a little ego boost feels good, even if you know it isn’t fact. I think we also lie to ourselves on occasion because of that, even if we are entirely cognizant of the fact that we are only hurting ourselves. Humans have become very good at ignoring what is directly in front of them. It takes a mentally strong individual to be continually honest with him or herself.
I fall into the group that feels intense amounts of guilt upon telling a lie. I also live in fear of being found out, so it’s not something I am comfortable doing on a regular basis. Besides, after so many lies it would be very easy to get caught up in the proverbial web. It’s much easier to keep track of the truth. So I try to keep my untruths as close as I possibly can to actual fact….true lies so to speak.
I won’t lie, I have lied. Many times. And for various reasons; some of them include not wanting to hurt someone else’s feelings, not wanting to get into explaining my own feelings, and probably the most common lie, the lie of omission. I have also lied for purely selfish reasons. Saying I am busy when I have absolutely nothing planned.
Most people don’t even think twice about it, and there are others who do it so regularly that it just becomes part of their daily discourse. During the course of writing this blog I did some research about lying and discovered that although men and women lie roughly the same amount, the types of lies they tell are diametrically opposite. Women most often lie to save someone else’s emotions and make that person feel better. When men lie, it is most often done to make themselves look better. When it comes to children, their lies are told solely to protect their own skin, (“No, I didn’t eat the last cookie.”).
People tell lies on a daily basis, and the most common method used for delivering lies are the telephone and through text messages. People can’t see your eyes or read your expression so lying is easier. For me, that “rings” true. I tend to be truthful more often in a face-to-face situation. But when asked to be, I will be honest, even if I know it will hurt.
It almost appears that we, as humans, are quite the deceitful bunch. But consider this: if you were to be absolutely truthful, 100% of the time, how many feelings would you hurt? And to flip it around, would you want people to be completely honest with you about everything? Sometimes a little ego boost feels good, even if you know it isn’t fact. I think we also lie to ourselves on occasion because of that, even if we are entirely cognizant of the fact that we are only hurting ourselves. Humans have become very good at ignoring what is directly in front of them. It takes a mentally strong individual to be continually honest with him or herself.
I fall into the group that feels intense amounts of guilt upon telling a lie. I also live in fear of being found out, so it’s not something I am comfortable doing on a regular basis. Besides, after so many lies it would be very easy to get caught up in the proverbial web. It’s much easier to keep track of the truth. So I try to keep my untruths as close as I possibly can to actual fact….true lies so to speak.
Wednesday 30 April 2008
Mergers and Layoffs and what’s in Between
When a patient resides in palliative care, effort is usually taken to make the person’s last days as comfortable as possible. It is truly unfortunate that the same consideration is not taken in other, similar situations. A couple months ago, my company was in the final stages of restructuring and although neither I nor my co-workers were facing the end of our lives, we were, in a sense, facing the slow inevitable death of our jobs.
The company where we were employed had been acquired by a hostile takeover. What ensued was a mass exodus as many people scrambled to find other jobs. Once the dust had cleared, those of us remaining looked around and took stock. We were the ones who had decided to continue until the end. Knowing that we would be jobless in mere months was not an easy realization. To the new company we became the expendable ones.
We reluctantly settled in and tried to remain proud and positive. A new dress code was implemented with less than four months left. For most people it seemed ridiculous and unnecessary. Vacations were limited, coffee breaks were monitored and appointments were scrutinized. It felt like the entire department was slowly eroding. We became stressed, worried and had a difficult time concentrating. Instead of adhering to the new rules, many people began to push them to the limit. It was almost like watching an unintentional social experiment. One wonders why we even bothered to stay.
Many of us owed the new company no allegiance at all, but stayed because we felt loyal to each other. What remained of the old corporation, as it was slowly assimilated, were relationships with our co-workers, past and present. Had it not been for the many others surrounding us, who were in the same situation, it would have been much harder getting through the last month. If the new company had not been so focused on the bottom line or how they looked to the press, they would have seen that the rules they had set to increase productivity were actually having the opposite effect.
To cope, I turned it into a learning experience. I took two important things away from this. The first thing was how you cannot underestimate the importance of camaraderie among your co-workers. I had read articles that said caring co-workers were the number one reason for job satisfaction. I can personally attest to this. The second thing I took away was how not to treat a group of potentially loyal employees. There is no easier way of alienating your people than by suddenly changing, for the worse, the environment on which they depend and have become most comfortable. Employees should be treated as the assets and investments they are rather than expenses, regardless of how long they will be there, because the only thing worse than losing a happy employee is keeping an unhappy one.
The company where we were employed had been acquired by a hostile takeover. What ensued was a mass exodus as many people scrambled to find other jobs. Once the dust had cleared, those of us remaining looked around and took stock. We were the ones who had decided to continue until the end. Knowing that we would be jobless in mere months was not an easy realization. To the new company we became the expendable ones.
We reluctantly settled in and tried to remain proud and positive. A new dress code was implemented with less than four months left. For most people it seemed ridiculous and unnecessary. Vacations were limited, coffee breaks were monitored and appointments were scrutinized. It felt like the entire department was slowly eroding. We became stressed, worried and had a difficult time concentrating. Instead of adhering to the new rules, many people began to push them to the limit. It was almost like watching an unintentional social experiment. One wonders why we even bothered to stay.
Many of us owed the new company no allegiance at all, but stayed because we felt loyal to each other. What remained of the old corporation, as it was slowly assimilated, were relationships with our co-workers, past and present. Had it not been for the many others surrounding us, who were in the same situation, it would have been much harder getting through the last month. If the new company had not been so focused on the bottom line or how they looked to the press, they would have seen that the rules they had set to increase productivity were actually having the opposite effect.
To cope, I turned it into a learning experience. I took two important things away from this. The first thing was how you cannot underestimate the importance of camaraderie among your co-workers. I had read articles that said caring co-workers were the number one reason for job satisfaction. I can personally attest to this. The second thing I took away was how not to treat a group of potentially loyal employees. There is no easier way of alienating your people than by suddenly changing, for the worse, the environment on which they depend and have become most comfortable. Employees should be treated as the assets and investments they are rather than expenses, regardless of how long they will be there, because the only thing worse than losing a happy employee is keeping an unhappy one.
Wednesday 30 January 2008
Frozen Motivation
It’s tough being a Winnipegger in the middle of a frigid January winter and training for a spring marathon. Options are few, opportunities are fewer.
A couple weeks ago, with the weather forecasting a windchill nearing -43 degrees Celsius I took up the offer of my brother and his wife’s treadmill. I figured I needed some kind of carrot to keep me going so I stopped at the video store on my way over to pick up two of the Jason Bourne movies. Starting the first one I mentally vowed to pause the movie each time I took a break and not allow myself to watch the movie unless I was actually running. Not being a great treadmill runner it took me about 30 minutes to find my “tread-legs”. Then off I went. I broke it up into 15 minute intervals between which I would stop and grab a big gulp of water, and wipe the sweat off my body, and step back on for another 15 minutes. This was the only way I could get myself through this tortuous and grueling ordeal. It was the slowest 2 hours of my life and it felt like the longest marathon I had ever run.
Flash forward to a week later, the only difference was that the windchill this time was a mere -30 degrees Celcius. I decided to take this one outdoors because the thought of another 2 hours running in the exact same spot was giving me chills and I hadn’t even stepped out of my door. Two and a half hours later I bounded up the stairs to my apartment, feeling buoyant and energetic, despite having run 15 miles on snowy packed trails.
For days afterwards I wondered why the opposing difference in experiences. One would think that running indoors, unencumbered by two pairs of pants, four top layers, a neck warmer, toque, and double mitts would be freeing. Instead I had found myself labouring and watching the treadmill countdown (more than I watched the movie) and timing when I could jump off and have a quick break. Oddly, during my outdoor run I ran 45 minutes straight before stopping to grab a drink of water at the park skating shelter before heading out for my next 5 miles. I felt neither as tired nor needed much of a break.
I think watching the scenery pass me by as I run outdoors is what gets me through these long runs. I can actually see my motivators up in the distance. “I will run to the railroad tracks”. “I will run through the park.” “I will run around the golf course.” For me these are more concrete than, “I will run for 15 minutes”. And that is why I am not a treadmill runner. I appreciated the opportunity to run indoors in insulated comfort. But I think I will choose the mild discomfort of the cold if it means the time will pass more quickly.
Besides winter will not last forever, and each of these cold runs means one less as April approaches. I have learned that I can be stubborn and a lot stronger than I give myself credit for most of the time. And I just think of the character I build each time I walk out the door for another long one. We Winnipeg runners are full of it…character that is…!
A couple weeks ago, with the weather forecasting a windchill nearing -43 degrees Celsius I took up the offer of my brother and his wife’s treadmill. I figured I needed some kind of carrot to keep me going so I stopped at the video store on my way over to pick up two of the Jason Bourne movies. Starting the first one I mentally vowed to pause the movie each time I took a break and not allow myself to watch the movie unless I was actually running. Not being a great treadmill runner it took me about 30 minutes to find my “tread-legs”. Then off I went. I broke it up into 15 minute intervals between which I would stop and grab a big gulp of water, and wipe the sweat off my body, and step back on for another 15 minutes. This was the only way I could get myself through this tortuous and grueling ordeal. It was the slowest 2 hours of my life and it felt like the longest marathon I had ever run.
Flash forward to a week later, the only difference was that the windchill this time was a mere -30 degrees Celcius. I decided to take this one outdoors because the thought of another 2 hours running in the exact same spot was giving me chills and I hadn’t even stepped out of my door. Two and a half hours later I bounded up the stairs to my apartment, feeling buoyant and energetic, despite having run 15 miles on snowy packed trails.
For days afterwards I wondered why the opposing difference in experiences. One would think that running indoors, unencumbered by two pairs of pants, four top layers, a neck warmer, toque, and double mitts would be freeing. Instead I had found myself labouring and watching the treadmill countdown (more than I watched the movie) and timing when I could jump off and have a quick break. Oddly, during my outdoor run I ran 45 minutes straight before stopping to grab a drink of water at the park skating shelter before heading out for my next 5 miles. I felt neither as tired nor needed much of a break.
I think watching the scenery pass me by as I run outdoors is what gets me through these long runs. I can actually see my motivators up in the distance. “I will run to the railroad tracks”. “I will run through the park.” “I will run around the golf course.” For me these are more concrete than, “I will run for 15 minutes”. And that is why I am not a treadmill runner. I appreciated the opportunity to run indoors in insulated comfort. But I think I will choose the mild discomfort of the cold if it means the time will pass more quickly.
Besides winter will not last forever, and each of these cold runs means one less as April approaches. I have learned that I can be stubborn and a lot stronger than I give myself credit for most of the time. And I just think of the character I build each time I walk out the door for another long one. We Winnipeg runners are full of it…character that is…!
Wednesday 9 January 2008
The Mind’s Age
Listening to Shelagh Rogers interview Douglas Copeland on CBC radio one morning really got my creative writing spark heated up. I wanted to leave work that day and head off to a coffee ship to write for the rest of the day. Some day my words will make me money, but until that happens, they’ll just have to make me happy.
Today’s brainstorm deals with age and perception, something the two speakers touched on in their captivating discourse. We all have a specific concrete number that defines the years we have lived on this planet. We also have a more abstract number. More specifically, this alternative number defines who we think and feel we are inside. If you were to close your eyes and relax and think about how old you really feel, the chances are the number will be less than your actual age. We all have our ‘mental’ age and each person’s differs for their own reasons. The two radio personalities postulated that our mental age was one at which we felt the most happy with ourselves and our life at that time.
I’d never gone much past 30. For me, 30 was an ideal age – still young enough to be forgiven for my frivolities, yet sufficiently mature to be taken seriously on most levels. Recently though, my mental age is beginning to catch up with my physical one.
Before I turned 40 I dreaded the prospect of hitting middle age. It loomed in front of me and I had visions of suddenly becoming ‘old’. Until I decided to attack it back with the same ferocity with which I was allowing it to control me. Suddenly I had become empowered. By taking jurisdiction of it, complete with fighting stance and “bring it on” attitude, I turned this pivotal milestone into a memorable and enviable event. My ideal age of 30 transformed overnight to 40. If I willingly take into account that my mental age reflects the time I was the happiest, then my two ages have melded, and are continuing to meld as I keep aging, into one. Perhaps growing older is not so bad when you consider the benefit of maturity and expanded knowledge base combined with the freedom to answer only to yourself.
I still have days when I feel like I am back in high school, but am quite thankful that those days are long behind me. I think it all comes down to the quote by Mohammed Ali, “Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.” For me, as long as I am happy, I am happy with my age.
Today’s brainstorm deals with age and perception, something the two speakers touched on in their captivating discourse. We all have a specific concrete number that defines the years we have lived on this planet. We also have a more abstract number. More specifically, this alternative number defines who we think and feel we are inside. If you were to close your eyes and relax and think about how old you really feel, the chances are the number will be less than your actual age. We all have our ‘mental’ age and each person’s differs for their own reasons. The two radio personalities postulated that our mental age was one at which we felt the most happy with ourselves and our life at that time.
I’d never gone much past 30. For me, 30 was an ideal age – still young enough to be forgiven for my frivolities, yet sufficiently mature to be taken seriously on most levels. Recently though, my mental age is beginning to catch up with my physical one.
Before I turned 40 I dreaded the prospect of hitting middle age. It loomed in front of me and I had visions of suddenly becoming ‘old’. Until I decided to attack it back with the same ferocity with which I was allowing it to control me. Suddenly I had become empowered. By taking jurisdiction of it, complete with fighting stance and “bring it on” attitude, I turned this pivotal milestone into a memorable and enviable event. My ideal age of 30 transformed overnight to 40. If I willingly take into account that my mental age reflects the time I was the happiest, then my two ages have melded, and are continuing to meld as I keep aging, into one. Perhaps growing older is not so bad when you consider the benefit of maturity and expanded knowledge base combined with the freedom to answer only to yourself.
I still have days when I feel like I am back in high school, but am quite thankful that those days are long behind me. I think it all comes down to the quote by Mohammed Ali, “Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.” For me, as long as I am happy, I am happy with my age.
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