Things we need to leave behind

Things we need to leave behind

I first saw this list as I was scrolling through one of my social media feeds a couple years ago. It struck a chord with me because with each point I kept nodding to myself. I’ve added my own personal commentary to each item because it solidifies that I have, indeed, been able to let go of many of these things. There are some that are still firmly latched on and I admit that is where I need to focus my energies.
This list is by no means complete but it is a start. If you can think of other things that you personally have let go, please let me know in the comments section/

1.      The belief that you have to wait for someone else to make the first move.

When I met my husband, we were friends at first and I realized how shy he was.  I grew more and more attracted to him but I never got the sense that he felt the same. On our first “official date” I threw caution to the wind and kissed him in the parking lot before walking away because I knew he wouldn’t have done it…He later thanked me for making the first move.

2.      The idea that you are only as good as you are better than another woman. The war we wage against one another is a fierce one, and studies show that women have an evolving tendency toward “indirect aggression.”

I hate that a lot of women feel the need to be competitive. I’ve been there, felt that competitiveness and as I’ve aged, let it go. And guess what… it felt pretty good.

3.      High heels that leave your feet writhing in pain after an hour of wearing them. (But if you insist, buy them half a size too big and double up on the insert-able foot pads. You’re welcome.)

I have tried to wear heels. I have honestly tried. But I’ve grown to respect my feet too much to put them through that anymore. The highest I can go is about an inch. Anything beyond that and the shoes are off more than they are on and then what is the point?

4.      The desire for approval, especially over arbitrary things like whether you shave or frequent the sex shop or take selfies or want to be married by 25 or don’t want to be married at all.

I fight this one all the time. I do admit this is a constant inner battle for me. It’s the child in me that is always seeking approval. As well, Social Media plays on this in many ways - garnering likes makes you popular and ups your approval. I try not to check those when I post. If "I" like it then that should be good enough.

5.      The idea that once a certain appearance is achieved, happiness will be as well. Only having love for yourself when you look a certain way isn’t genuinely loving your body. 

If this were true no woman would be happy until the day they died. Each day is precious. It shouldn’t matter whether or not you have grey hair or cellulite or a jiggly stomach (and I do have them all ;0)), and it’s a tough one to let go for even the strongest of wills.

6.      The idea that there’s only one concept of “beauty,” and it’s the kind you see in the magazines. Whenever I hear a woman say, “Oh, she’s so beautiful!” I think, according to who? You? Society? Which society? Me? Beauty standards from around the world, and the ideal (Western) body has changed in just 100 years alone.

Beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder. Never forget that. I’ve met some seriously gorgeous women who are not very attractive at all, and vice versa. It’s very easy to see beauty if you look for it.

7.      The idea that your wedding day is about other people. Yes, you want everyone to enjoy themselves while celebrating with you, but never should it take precedence over the reason you’re there in the first place, as very often becomes the case.

My husband and I went to a Caribbean island and got married barefoot on the beach. We were tired of others telling us who should/shouldn’t be invited to our wedding.

It was just the two of us, the sand and the sunset…because in the end, it was our day and no one else’s. We have absolutely no regrets.

8.      The fear that enjoying traditionally “girly” things, and talking about them, is vapid and somehow makes you less of a person. If your idea of beauty encompasses partaking in hairstyling and cosmetics, go for it.

Many women avoid pink or frills for fear of being judged as less intelligent or not taken seriously. A coworker of mine drives a pink Jeep and is as girly as they come, but man is she fierce with amazing business acumen! I do look up to those women who can pull off both with ease.

I’m not very “girly” myself, but also have a most wonderful pink t-shirt that is emblazoned with the words “Life is Good.”

9.      Expectations our mothers and grandmothers would theoretically have for us, because they lived in a different time and world.

Sit up straight. Don’t chase boys. Black doesn’t look good on you. You’re going to wear that? What will people think? Your uterus might fall out…. And…you get the picture.

10.   “Inspiration” pants that are two sizes too small.

Really?! These still exist? I got rid of mine a long time ago.

11.   Apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong.

I’m sorry… It’s a Canadian thing. ;0)