Recently I have gone through many changes in my life, and although there have been difficult choices to make; the ultimate payout has definitely been worth the pain. The biggest change seems to be the surge of emotions and feelings, a welcome change from the cold detachment I had been experiencing for so long.
“To Feel” separates us from all other creatures on this earth. Should it matter what we feel, as long as we are feeling something? To most people, it does matter. However, the very essence of being human dictates that we must have all emotions, and not just the pleasant ones. There must be a purpose to emotions, otherwise why would they be ingrained in us from birth? Perhaps the purpose of sadness is to put happiness in perspective, and vice versa. Without the opposing emotion, all feelings would be completely out of context. How can we fully acknowledge the power of forgiveness without the anger that precedes it? Or the clarity that comes after confusion? Even the euphoria of love necessitates the balancing pain of heartbreak for the owner to appreciate what he had. And to argue the unfairness of this condition, only solidifies our emotional indignation. We cannot avoid feeling, although we can suppress it. But as hard as we may try to bury it, it will always be a part of our human makeup, and until the day we die, we will feel, something.
I still marvel at what triggered this sudden deluge of my own emotions, and perhaps I will never fully understand. But I discovered an added benefit to hiding underneath a mask. The moment I became unveiled, the emotions that had remained dormant for so long, were sweeter than ever. Happiness, gratitude, contentment, and even anger, appeared to take on a life of their own, with seemingly their own colours and reactions. It felt like I was emerging from a complete and utter darkness to watch fireworks in a clear night sky – each blast inimitable, each explosion beautiful in its uniqueness. For me, anything is preferable than emotional disconnect, and I will take the good with the bad, because I am feeling…
1 comment:
It took me a while to recognise your marrow behind the mask. Now I can see that your feelings are brimming and I'm drawn to their rebirth. I've sometimes been at the mercy of an absent mask and have suffered because of it. Still I'd rather risk it, but I don't live in a woman's skin and I'd surely not be so brave on the other side of the gender divide.
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