Missed Opportunities

I’ve often thought the worst thing imaginable would be to go to my grave with regrets. Being human we will always have some doubts in our life, “I wish I would have said”, or “if only I had done…”… Regrets are funny things – they can perpetually haunt us, taunt us, or make us want things that have been deemed unreachable.

We have only one go around at this thing called life. I had purposely put myself on the sidelines for too many years already. It was time to start doing the things I’d always wished I had done. To begin, I started telling my parents that I loved them. Looking back, I’m not exactly sure when that stopped. Likely in the early years of teenage angst, when I felt tortured and insecure, and awkward in my own body. I remember times when I would not walk with my parents into a store for fear of being labeled (what?) by my friends. Or times when I missed out on amazing possibilities because I feared failure, or embarrassment. That is guilt I live with. The years I rebelled, blatantly ignoring wise and sage advice because of course, I was right. The egocentrism inherent in the teenage brain is baffling to those gazing at it from the outside. It is akin to wearing blinders in a snowstorm – seeing nothing beside you and even less in front. I forged sightlessly ahead because I was too self-absorbed to even consider the cost. Yet at the time, I can’t help but wonder, would I have regretted not following my adolescent nature…?

I think with age comes not only maturity but the realization that life is not infinite. When you are young, it is easy to fall into the trap of believing that you are invincible. Days have no end and actions have no immediate consequences. But once that proverbial brick hits you in the head, you start to become conscious of your mortality and begin questioning each choice you make. Is it the right one for me, right now? Each time I make a decision, I stop, and take a deeper look at what I am resolving to do. If I pass up this opportunity, will there be another chance? It is said that for every door that closes, another one opens, but there is no guarantee that the same prize lies behind both.

I would like to be able to say that I did all I could to live my life without compunction. For the most part, I know I have tried hard, and moreso as I grow older; but there have been times when the choice has been taken from me. These are the most difficult to swallow because those helpless “what ifs” remain harbored inside. I tuck them away knowing I will be left wondering for the rest of my life, but perhaps now they have become someone else’s regrets.