Thursday, 27 October 2011

Sometimes I'm Afraid to Blog

The title says it all.

I have a word document on my computer that contains the start of numerous blogs entries and a few finished ones. I just haven’t published them. There are many reasons for this. I’ve had a few not-so-positive experiences with some entries that I had been initially quite proud to post. By nature I am not a controversial person. I avoid confrontation like the plague, probably to my detriment. I know I should stand up for what I believe, but there are times when I just have to stand down and take the easy way out, even if it means not being able to share some of my opinions. I’ve lost a friendship because one person mistakenly thought I was writing about them and took personal offense to the post in question. At the time I had no idea that the snarky comments and then ignored emails had anything to do with what I had written. By the time he finally said something (via email) about it it was too late to mend what was left because he had made it very clear that he had made up his mind.

 This saddened me, and made me begin to re-think everything I posted. It is exhausting when you have to examine everything you write and then go back over it with a fine-tooth comb and question whether one of your readers could misconstrue what you wrote. I sometime go for weeks between postings because I am just too lazy to cleanse my entries. It defeats what I initially thought was one of the purposes of blogging.

I have many friends who also blog and I am guilty at times of reading more into what they have written. But I give them the benefit of the doubt, and recognize that their opinions are just that, opinions.

 I began to write fluffy, reflective posts that told a heartwarming stories, or reviews on places I’ve travelled to, or race reports. But a part of me resented having to compromise what I really enjoyed writing.

 I debated starting up an anonymous blog so I could write unfettered. I may still do that.

 So if I haven’t posted for a few weeks it’s not because I’m not writing. I am…I’m just sorry that you won’t be able to see half of it.

7 comments:

Kim said...

My oh, my, haven't we all been there. My blog sits quiet for essentially the same reasons. Well said. Blogging is a pursuit of the thick skinned.

J.H. Moncrieff said...

Hey Lisa,

I, for one, have missed your posts. When I started my blog, I'd hoped to keep it anonymous, but it's hard to do that AND promote your blog in order to get readers. So I was quickly outed.

For the most part, bloggers have to be careful not to write anything they wouldn't say face-to-face.

I also had a male friend who was convinced I was always writing about him. I was puzzled, because I hadn't seen him since Grade 10, and I was NEVER writing about him. It's funny what people read into these things. Honestly, I think it says more about them than it does about us.

What a pity some of the world's most interesting blog posts will probably never be read by anyone!

Kinthelt said...

You could always just do what I do, and write about beer.

But then again, I probably write about beer because all my emotions come from a brown bottle.

Gail said...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Dr. seuss

Lisa said...

Thanks all for your comments. It looks like I'm not alone in my "fear".

@Kim - keep writing. I love reading your posts and I know you have a lot more to contribute.

@Holli - Thank you. Maybe one day we should all get together to share "the unpublished" posts...;0)))

@Dale - Mmmmm beer! Can I put in a request for Lancaster Bomber? I'm curious as to what you think of that one...

@Gail - I posted that on my FB status about 8-9 months ago. Seuss was very insightful and we should live by his wisdom a lot more.

~L

Ian Timshel said...

Plus je vois l'homme, plus j'aime mon chien - Blaise Pascal

Raise the bar. It has it's own rewards.

"Committments, authenticity and self-disclosure."

I keep waiting for the dam to break and a book to emerge.

"There are others so continually in the agitation of gross and merely sensual
pleasures, or so occupied in the low drudgery of avarice, or so heated in the
chase of honours and distinction, that their minds, which had been used
continually to the storms of these violent and tempestuous passions, can
hardly be put in motion by the delicateand refined play of the imagination."

Letter to Matthew Smith, 1750
Edmond Burke 1729-1797

S said...

I've actually received hate mail from a post from long ago... which helped me on my way to deletion many times. And tons of lost posts.

The thought became "Is it worth it?"

The relative ambiguity that the intewebs support, makes the rotten trolls, and people who actually are selfish enough to think you are talking personally to them, and no one else, come out, and attack.

It's the good people, and the friends that enjoyed my B.S., that make it worthwhile again.

If you enjoy writing.. what are you to do..?