As I enter into my 50th year on this earth I have
been reflecting on the past. It is something that came to me in the middle of
the night a few weeks ago when I couldn’t sleep. (Which, unfortunately, is one
of the side-effects of aging that I don’t particularly enjoy)
I have not been dreading turning 50, just like I didn’t
dread turning 40. Forty was one of the best years of my life because I
deliberately focused on embracing it – aging is inevitable. Denying or dreading
it would waste time.
Random things that floated through my mind included the
following:
FRIENDSHIPS
The friendships that have developed throughout my life have
changed as I’ve gotten older. I used to have many close friends whom I saw on a
regular basis. I now have many acquaintances whom I see from time to time, and
a smaller number of closer friends I keep in touch with, sometimes only by text
or email, at least a couple times a week.
I’ve gravitated to those people who accept me and all my
little flaws, who don’t care about my long list of idiosyncrasies, who don’t
judge me and who can laugh with me (and sometimes at me) about the simplest of things. Life is too
short to waste trying to impress other people. I can honestly say that I have
some amazing people I call friends.
CAREER
When I was younger I often worried about where my career was
going to take me. I had lofty dreams of what I considered awesome career paths
– some of which included physiotherapist, engineer, teacher and writer. My actual career path took quite a different
direction. Most of the jobs I held I
almost “lucked into” by being in the right place at the right time as well as
knowing the right person. I know by
having a number of different careers/jobs that I won’t be experiencing “Freedom55”. I will likely be working right into my late
60’s. Unless I win the lottery I have to be OK with that.
RELATIONSHIPS
Part of the reason I will be working into my 60’s (or later)
is divorce. I’m pretty sure it set me back at least 10 years financially. That said I am confident that I am in a good
place. This just feels right. I have had a few serious relationships in my
life. None of them comes close to what I currently have.
And that brings me to…
LOVE
I have searched for love all of my life. I have found it. I
can’t put into words except to say I have never been happier, that I would be
lost without him, that I look forward to beginning every day with him, and
closing my eyes each night knowing that he is with me.
RAISING A FAMILY
I have come to the conclusion that raising a family has been
the single most rewarding, and frustrating, experience in my life. I love my
children and if I had to live my life over again…I would do exactly the same
thing, because that chain of events brought me my two boys. I could not imagine
my life without them in it.
LOSS
As I get older I am faced with loss more often than I’ve
ever been. At the end of 2013 I lost an uncle, a cousin and her unborn child
within two weeks of each other. Granted I was not extremely close to them –
they all lived a province or more away - but they were family. And last month I
lost my grandmother, Mummu, my last living grandparent. With each phone call I
move one step closer to my own mortality. I think this is the one thing that
stands out as I get older.
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Overall I am basically the same person I’ve always been. I have
a few more aches and pains and I take longer to heal up when I get hurt. I
would still be lost without books and music in my life. I love being a mom and
I love being a soulmate. I also love people not believing that I am 50. It
tells me that I am doing something right, that I have some pretty amazing genes
in my family. I have to thank my parents, both of whom are still active, mentally
and physically, well into their 70’s. They are great role models.
Maybe I don’t need to win the lottery…because I already
have.
