Grinning from ear to ear…

There’s never anything wrong with shaking it up a little, and I recently have done just that. I took my first steps, or perhaps I should say my first pedals, on a bona fide mountain bike. I really only have one thing to say about this, WooHoo!

Ok, I have ridden bikes for most of my life. I learned how to ride as a child when my grandfather sat me on a bicycle and pushed me down a hill. It was a sink or swim (aka ride or fall down) reaction, and before I knew it I was riding all around my grandparents’ farm that summer. My parents had bought me my first bike, a blue SuperCycle, earlier that year, but because I couldn’t ride it yet, stared longingly at it until I returned from my summer vacation. I upgraded quickly to an orange three speed bike, high tech for its day. Bikes came and went over the years but I stayed on the road and the sidewalk, never venturing much farther off the beaten path.

I purchased my first bike in Winnipeg when I moved there in 1989, a fully rigid Yokota Ahwanee hybrid, and still have the bike, 20 years later. It is heavy and cumbersome to lug up and down the stairs, but it has taken me through numerous adventure races, and many hundreds of miles. I have gotten my money and more back from the bike, and it still holds a very special place in my life, as I still ride it on a regular basis.

But when I found an enthusiastic cycling partner who introduced me to off-road biking, combined with a nice income tax refund, I knew it was time to take the next step. The Yokota, unfortunately, is not bike enough to tackle trails, so I began shopping for a something that could. That “something” came in the form of a Giant TranceX4. Knowing absolutely nothing about bikes made it a challenge, but advice flew at me from all angles, and before long I was immersed in bike-speak. I learned the difference between a soft-tail, hard-tail and dual suspension, could understand V-brakes versus disc versus hydraulic disc. And fortunately, I was able to get my wish list for the price I had planned to pay.

Being an avid runner I was not prepared for the intense burn that came with the short hill-climbing bursts, and I was definitely surprised to find that trees are more difficult to out-maneuver when you are approaching them at ‘faster-than-running’ speed. But I laugh when I fall down and I get up and continue on. It has been a wonderful break from running, and I have met some great people who are more than happy to share advice and insults. This group thinks “It’s funny until someone gets hurt, then it’s hilarious!” and “If you are not hurting after a day of biking, you must be road riding.” I love their attitudes and the positive vibes I get when around them. There is no competition, only camaraderie.

So I am currently preparing for a weekend of MTBing near Minaki Ontario. I am excited and pleased that I have found other interests that challenge me like running has. I’m off to leave a little DNA on trail!

Routinely breaking routine…

Routines can be comforting, but if we begin to rely on them completely, it is very easy to become boring, stagnant and stuck. Some people get too attached and then find they are unable to break free and the once reassuring routine becomes an obsessive hindrance that cannot be discarded as easily as shrugging off a jacket. It literally becomes a part of who they are as a person, and how they start to classify themselves. We need to be able to characterize ourselves by who we are inside more than by what we do outside.

Some routines are useful and can serve a purpose. My mornings are carefully choreographed to allow me time to drop off my children and get to work. It’s been broken every now and then due to an alarm not going off, or a snooze button pressed one too many times. On those rushed days, when I am scrambling, and my schedule goes out the window, so does my well ordered morning. I have forgotten to brush my teeth some days (thank goodness for a spare in my desk drawer!) and have wondered why there is no coffee in the pot because in my haste I didn’t fill the reservoir when I turned it on. But these little blips serve to show me how useful some daily habits can be. Some you just cannot break without consequence, like being at work on time. However, I have learned that others are accommodating, if you are willing to bend a little.

That’s where some lose it - being unwilling to flex. People say they simply have no choice, when actually they do. But the choice is between doing something, period, or not doing it at all. And that is where we differ. I have been a single mom for the last three years. I have my kids half time, makes it challenging to fit in training runs. So an after-work scheduled eight mile tempo can quickly become abbreviated to four or five to allow myself time to pick them up. But five is infinitely better than zero, so I take what I can get. At least I am willing to acknowledge it. Then there are times when it is just not possible to get out and run at all, and I accept that. Those days are used for weights and core training at home. There are people who would give up long before they hit the first obstacle and I feel sorry for them.

Each January I look at people who make New Year’s resolutions that end up shattered before the month is out. Most people don’t realize that before a habit can be formed you must repeat the action at least 21 times. Many people don’t make it past four or five. Just knowing that little fact makes it easier to form a plan, if indeed that is your honest intention. Once you have established your routine, only then should you begin to modify it. The willingness to adapt comes with making priorities in your life. Once that is sorted out, it all becomes easy. I like being the willow in the wind – I’m good at bending, and I’m not broken yet.

Putting it all out there…

I had always been afraid of speaking to a crowd – even if I knew everyone there. To present in front of my class, even as recently as six years ago nearly paralyzed me. All that changed when I joined a social running club. Our head was leaving and asked me to get involved; General consensus agreed, and I reluctantly stepped up into a position that utterly terrified me. I was expected to take control and speak in front of this group of people at each gathering, which differed in general makeup from week to week.

The first time I blatantly stuttered and left long empty pauses. Peoples’ expectant gazes as they waited for me to continue made my palms sweat. My heart skipped so many beats that I am sure I used up a couple months of my life in that short hour. I could barely meet anyone’s eyes, and I was positive they were all laughing at me inside. At the end of the first week I silently regretted the moment I agreed to take on this role. I was not cut out for such a visible position and I wondered how I could politely extract myself and just blend back into the group where I’d felt the most comfortable, because there no one noticed me, and there no one looked at me and I was used to that.

Ironically, it was my reluctance to say anything to anyone about how ill at ease I felt that kept me in that position, week after week. As I became more and more easy with the routine I found myself relaxing and my issues with speaking in front of a crowd began to fade, even if only with these people. If I had been given the choice or the means to change my mind, I’m sure I’d still be sweaty palmed and pale each time I opened my mouth with more than five people present.

Since that point, and on a daily basis, I try to initiate interactions with people, even if I feel shy or uncomfortable. I find the more I push myself, the easier things get. It doesn’t take a confident person to stand up in front of a group of people, but by doing so you will end up cultivating that confidence. To set yourself up for the possibility of failure, rejection or embarrassment requires a certain amount of courage. We all have it in some measure. In the end it doesn’t matter whether you succeed or not, what matters is you tried. Because it is just too easy to give up. You can hide and play it safe, and dig yourself deeper into your comfort zone or you can choose to take that leap, and experience the heart pounding rush that is often confused with fear: Exhilarating in its own right!

The Return

After neglecting this site for too long I return to my insights, re-energized, rejuvenated and ready to jump back into the words I have left behind while life has taken me in a different direction.

Today I am feeling almost re-born. I think when we do things for ourselves, taking time not to be selfish, but for self, we emerge on the other side with fresh perspective, positive outlook and ideas that didn’t exist before. That is how I feel right now. I want to take on the world and throw my words to the wolves. I want them to devour them and ask for more. I want to expose myself…right down to the naked core of my being so it is apparent that I have given all I have to give. I want to be judged fairly and impartially. I want to dig deeper for meaning, and actually find it.

Many things have transpired since my last post. The details are not important, but the end-result is that I have actually listened to myself, and followed through with what I told myself I would do. I am in a stronger and somehow more spiritual place. It is calm here, and I am happy.

There are many things I want to do and to have, and I know with time, with belief and with action, they will be mine. But in order for that to happen, I have to be strong, and I have to be firm and most of all, I have to believe in myself. Right now, that’s not such a big task. Until later!

Turning 40…

…can be traumatic if you are not mentally prepared for the experience.

I vividly remember the day I turned 40. Oddly I wasn’t at all worried or concerned about entering a new decade, and had actually pinned a small sign on my cubicle wall that said, “I’m not 40, I’m 18 with 22 years experience!” I was actually looking forward to “starting the next ten” fresh and with a new attitude. That was foreshadowing at its best, and also better told in another topic.

I want to dedicate this topic to fabulous 40, and all those women in my life who have gracefully glided into this new age of elegance, maturity and extreme confidence. An e-mail circulated some time ago about how women age. As they get older they become more self-assured while men seem to do the opposite and hit their mid-life crisis early. Women embrace it, while men evade it.

I think when I turned 40 I became a woman in my own eyes, as opposed to the girl I’d always seen myself as. Getting married, having children, pursuing a career still didn’t convince me that I was all grown up. But the click of time into a new decade suddenly made it possible for me to see that there was a self-possessed woman underneath that once scared little girl.

Someone very special to me recently made the transition to her 40th year. This person in particular has overtaken this decade with more grace than I could ever begin to muster. With the dawning of the day she has claimed this decade as her own. I’ve always admired her elegance and easy-going effortless way of doing things. She attacks each day with a gusto that most people would envy. Things seem to flow around her, even when stress threatens to close in. She has a magical way of putting things right. Her seemingly unhurried ways and precision of plans show an intense amount of internal strategy, yet she does not crack at the seams. She is successful and poised in her career which has yet to ascend to the heights she deserves. If I were to name a poster-child for turning 40, she would be framed on my wall. Anyone reading this who is dreading the big 4-0, and thinks that this is where it ends should take a page out of her book.

And speaking of books, Mary Kay and Arnold Patent both had it right…”You Can Have it All”. You just have to decide what it is you want, and not be afraid to go after it. 40 is a glorious time in your life. Don’t waste it.

Going Wireless

It seems that everywhere you go these days people are connected to some sort of communications system, either by cell-phone, blackberry, computer, etc. There seem to be more and more places where you can ‘plug’ into networks of some sort either via cable or through wifi. It is almost a given that hotels and coffee houses offer a wireless network to their customers, and those who don’t, are seeing business drift away in favour of ones that do.

Why have we become so reliant on technology and conveniences?

As a child of the 70’s the only phones we had were attached to the walls with wires – we were unable to take the phone farther than the cord would reach, which enabled our parents to eavesdrop, not because they wanted to but because they had no choice…phones were usually in the kitchen because that was where most families congregated. Televisions were plugged in and reception depended on which way the rabbit ears were turned. It seemed complex at the time, but upon reflection quite primitive now. There were no computers that the average family could anticipate the need for or even afford. Portable music meant taking your tape player outside. Walkmans were still a few years away.

Today it isn’t unusual to own more than one mechanism linking you to the world, and even less remarkable to have all those devices on your person at the same time.

But say you are looking to get away from it all – unhooking yourself from the harness of the world wide web and free falling into a non-wired world. There are very few places nowadays where you can’t pick up some sort of signal or connection to the outside world, and even then, satellite phones take up where others leave off.

To become truly disconnected you must take the first step and physically “disable” yourself.
I often go running with nothing in hand save a bottle of water. Sure, I could strap on a Garmin and log each and every detail of every meter I cover, and there are some days where that comes in very handy. I could also clip my phone to my waistband to make sure that I am reachable no matter where I go or what I do – and again, there are times when that is undeniable; some would say even mandatory.

So I savour the times when I can leave it all behind…literally. Unencumbered and free from electronic devices I suddenly become purposely lost and untraceable to everyone in the world. The prospect may seem terrifying to some who need that connection to civilization on a 24-7 basis, but for me, escape into the wire-free world of bygone days is oddly refreshing. I try to disconnect on a regular basis, for it gives me perspective on why I am here, and what my ultimate objective in life is. It also keeps me from becoming dependent on items that tend to make life more complicated and demanding. There are very few things that are so important that require one to drop everything immediately. Sometimes a little time to reflect on why you need something so badly can help you realize that waiting an hour or a day won’t mean the end of the world, and could possibly encourage you to find the answers yourself. Self-reflection and conscious deliberation can do much further inspiration in all of us. Unplug, separate and disengage yourself once in a while. You may be surprised at how much you like it.

Little White or Big Fat…True Lies

The question isn’t whether or not you have lied. Let’s face it; we have all lied in some capacity at some point in our lives. The severity of the lie is where the lines become fuzzy and the questions begin to trickle in…how big is too big? Will it hurt the intended? Why are we fixated on it?

I won’t lie, I have lied. Many times. And for various reasons; some of them include not wanting to hurt someone else’s feelings, not wanting to get into explaining my own feelings, and probably the most common lie, the lie of omission. I have also lied for purely selfish reasons. Saying I am busy when I have absolutely nothing planned.

Most people don’t even think twice about it, and there are others who do it so regularly that it just becomes part of their daily discourse. During the course of writing this blog I did some research about lying and discovered that although men and women lie roughly the same amount, the types of lies they tell are diametrically opposite. Women most often lie to save someone else’s emotions and make that person feel better. When men lie, it is most often done to make themselves look better. When it comes to children, their lies are told solely to protect their own skin, (“No, I didn’t eat the last cookie.”).

People tell lies on a daily basis, and the most common method used for delivering lies are the telephone and through text messages. People can’t see your eyes or read your expression so lying is easier. For me, that “rings” true. I tend to be truthful more often in a face-to-face situation. But when asked to be, I will be honest, even if I know it will hurt.

It almost appears that we, as humans, are quite the deceitful bunch. But consider this: if you were to be absolutely truthful, 100% of the time, how many feelings would you hurt? And to flip it around, would you want people to be completely honest with you about everything? Sometimes a little ego boost feels good, even if you know it isn’t fact. I think we also lie to ourselves on occasion because of that, even if we are entirely cognizant of the fact that we are only hurting ourselves. Humans have become very good at ignoring what is directly in front of them. It takes a mentally strong individual to be continually honest with him or herself.

I fall into the group that feels intense amounts of guilt upon telling a lie. I also live in fear of being found out, so it’s not something I am comfortable doing on a regular basis. Besides, after so many lies it would be very easy to get caught up in the proverbial web. It’s much easier to keep track of the truth. So I try to keep my untruths as close as I possibly can to actual fact….true lies so to speak.